‘I’m Tony the flea that lives in the hair of Donald Trump’ – words by Tony the Flea

Let me introduce myself. I’m Tony the flea that lives in the hair of Donald Trump. I want to put that record straight about my friend, host and benefactor. I really think the world has got it all wrong about The Donald. As I’ve known him longer that anyone, even any of his wives, I have taken it upon myself to tell the world about the real Donald. The Donald Trump I know and love.

Trump-Web-1

 11th October 2016

Phewww I’m glad that’s over.  The video footage and the latest debate. My man Donald seemed to be down and out but he socked it to them and came out on top I think.

He was so down over the weekend. Imagine having to explain that video to your wife and kids?

It really put him off his stride. Even his golf swing went all limp and unfocussed. He side screwed one shot into his own study window during net practice.

This made Melania even more furious. I’ve never heard her scream quite like that.

“She can be a bit of a psycho.” he muttered to me.

Donald looked genuinely ruffled by this and was forced to blame his caddy.

“Sorry darling, Nigel totally fucked that one up. I’ll get it fixed.”

Melania just threw the golf ball back at us. I tell you it almost knocked me off Donald’s head. It could have splatted me completely.

Nigel looked sheepish, his face glowing a blotchy red. Sensibly he kept his mouth shut. He knows not to cross The Donald. I got the message myself once loud and clear. I’d been overdoing it a bit sucking on his scalp and it kept making him twitch on camera during an interview.

Once away for the cameras – I tell you I thought I was going to die. He had me between thumb and forefinger and was about to crush me into a mush. I had to promise to refrain from any feeding anytime he was on camera. Of course I agreed so I could live to tell the tale.

Anyway it’s my job to tell you the truth about The Donald. Everyone has him down as this dirty woman hating sicko and nothing could be further from the truth. Donald loves women. He’s always loved them especially of they are leggy and blonde and laugh at his jokes. As he has proved to me himself he spends a lot of his hard earned cash on his current and ex-wives, and all the mistresses and good time girls he’s had over the years. And he respects them as well as long as they stay in line, keep their mouths shut and don’t go blabbing to the media.

Anyway he reckons soon he’ll be president and then some of his detractors will be sorry. I don’t blame him. All those lies they’ve told about him should have consequences. He’s already told me some of the people he’s marked out and what he as plaaned for them. He has a list. Just you wait…

‘I’m Tony the flea that lives in the hair of Donald Trump’ – words by Tony the Flea

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